The Payment in Patience

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Sa·mar·i·tan
səˈmerətn/
noun
noun: Good Samaritan
  1. 1.
    a charitable or helpful person (with reference to Luke 10:33).
  2. 2.
    a member of a people inhabiting Samaria in biblical times, or of the modern community in the region of Nablus claiming descent from them, adhering to a form of Judaism accepting only its own ancient version of the Pentateuch as Scripture.

A few months back I spoke on how the world has a lot of the same people in it. The differences we hold may be in the way we look, the way we speak but there’s somebody who usually holds character traits similar to someone you’ve met along your life’s journey. There are some of us who understand what it means to self-prioritize; we stay out of the way and try to remain focused on our own lives and how we thrive only. Others are caught up in the succession of things; wanting to live life through accomplishments whether it relates to romantic relationships or own careers. Then you have those other people who are sometimes looked at as passive or maybe even weak because they’re want to help other be the best that they can be. These people look and sound a lot like myself, taking time out of each and every day to donate. These donations don’t come cheap and they are usually not in the form of money. Time, work and effort can all be given to someone with extreme measures. Say you are a person who enjoys your morning coffee before heading into work. You have three co-worker whom you work closely with and like to consider them as great ‘work’ friends. The nice female who sits across from you brings coffee sometimes but make it obvious that she cannot always afford to stop because she catches the bus to work and doesn’t want to be late. Then there’s the cool gay guy who stops by to chat and sometimes brings you tasty treats to share over office gossip. Lastly the overworked young woman who you took a liking to because she just wants to excel from being the office flunky so bad. This girl is awesome at what she does but she has to bend to the hypocrisy of the boss that you all could care less for. The common factor that they all share is the subtle kindness that they’ve shown you throughout your time at your company. Your salary is as stably as a needle in a haystack and your addiction to coffee is not helping you save your pennies. Still, you want to show them how you recognize who they are what they do to make your workplace comfortable so you purchase a box’o joe for you guys to share. Although you don’t know if you can commit to this gesture daily it makes you smile to see the amount of gratitude shown these few. Continue reading “The Payment in Patience”

Mr. Black Cashier

This is a warning, what you are about to read is something that has me very emotional. I often try to write from a clear and level headed stand point but this right here, I’ve had enough of it. So many times I go into a store whether it is Marshall’s, Macy’s or Neiman Marcus with the intent to browse at my own pace. Now keep in mind I usually go to the areas where these stores are occupied by a mixed breed of people, to ensure that there is a certain level of shopping peace. So normally (despite what I may want to see) there is a predominantly white group of managers and some sales associates. You may have a Hispanic person or two in the mix and usually a token or two African Americans. This does not bother me because companies are entitled to hire whom they so ever chose but it’s the person the hire that I need to address. The person who shares the same skin color and sometimes cultural appearance as myself (black).

Bert Williams Blackface
Bert Williams was the only black member of the Ziegfeld Follies when he joined them in 1910. Shown here in blackface, he was the highest-paid African American entertainer of his day.[
Continue reading “Mr. Black Cashier”

Everyone is my Teacher

life is my teacher

I listen when there is something to be heard and I watch only if it’s something that I need to see. Sometimes I waste my time on looking and listening to things that I shouldn’t but that is the curious humanistic side of me. I’m mostly intrigued when I feel like I’ve stolen a gem from someone who didn’t even know that I was listeing. More than likely I’ve laughed or let out a faint ‘hmmp’ when I hear something that makes me forget where or why I am. Have you ever been standing in line at Walmart and someone is inviting you into their phone conversation because they are speaking so loud. Despite not being able to hear the voice on the other end you began piecing together the main idea of what is happening. Whether it be negative or positive you feel the need to make a mental comment to youself. Even if that comment is you saying “self, please don’t ever talk on your phone in the store it’s just so unfortunate for everyone else around you.” Or you could be debating a major decision in your life, something big for you. It could be relocating and starting over or maybe wanting to just wanting to treat yourself to those shoes that you feel you work so hard for and derserve. Suddenly you are subconsciously drawn to someone speaking about how they derserve this or should have that and your subconscious is instantly validated with pleasure. Although you’ve only held your ears open wide enough to catch that little piece of that person brain you are grateful.

Continue reading “Everyone is my Teacher”

the WOMAN

Love seems to be the only excuse behind why most of us stay with the guy who can never seem to commit all the way. Or maybe it’s the girl who carries herself so independently to the point where she serial dates for material items needed to enhance her appearance and set a standard for the real ‘catch.’  Sometimes we overexpose ourselves in hopes of obtaining what we think we should have. You may be a woman who suffers from lack of self recognition so you use Instagram and other social media platforms to build yourself based on what you see. Causing you to feel tired from always having to have the best hair and clothes to impress people who may never occupy the same space as you in the real world. You might also be someone who’s so wrapped up in loving yourself so much that you use others as a doormat depreciating their self value and willingness for the sake of the next person. At this point you should be smiling and reflecting because you are either that person or know someone with similar character traits. Try the person who likes to overcompensate for the fact that they fall short in most areas so fluff (fluff = patchwork relationships with people are consistently emotionally unstable). Find yourself in love and you may end up sacrificing more than you bargained for. Sometimes we feel like our love should be kind and patient, no issues just pleasurable moments for us to post on Instagram. Remember that occasional argument leading to passionate love making that lasts for hours on end. That particular love that begins with a “you make me” and ends with “I need you.” Our mind begins playing tricks on us as we form expectations of love through movies, music and stories of told by our peers. The love we seek should be tailored to our liking leaving room for what is real and only space for what makes us happy. So what happens when we’ve paid more attention to what we want for ourselves instead of what we could actually do for someone else? What about the love we give?

womanNow I have to be honest, I’ve written a lot about relationships covering perspectives from Question My Sex, Love Won’t Let Me wait or I’m The Only Woman. Most times, it has been experiences I’ve lived as a man who has sex with men or the outlook of relationships according to other men and women. This time I want to focus on the woman. The reason being, a lot of relationships I’ve had has been with women; mothers, sisters, wives and friends. The closer and more in depth I became with wanting to know what makes a relationship whole for a female the more disappointed I became. I realized that most of the time the woman is already aware of the power she’s given to the man but fails to acknowledge that it has been Continue reading “the WOMAN”

Moonlight.

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Moonlight: Film Review

Although I am brutally late I managed to take a second to stop by a quaint little theater that happened to be showing Moonlight. Upon entry to the theater I was about 10 minutes late due to some unfinished business at the local auto mechanic. Once I settled into theater there was a scene being shown where ‘Little’ aka Chiron aka Black (the main character who’s life is shown in three parts) was at school being picked on by fellow classmates. I have to admit I was leery of how there was a three character switch. The performances of Alex R. Hibbert, Ashton Sanders and Trevante Rhodes were all equally impactful to the storyline of the main character. The coloring and tone of the film appeared to be sultry as Barry Jenkins (director) wants you to feel the emotional rollercoaster that is Little’s (the main character) life while you try to seek out why he’s such a mysterious child. As the viewer you can almost feel like you’re the one being teased. As this black boy who’s skin resembles rough pavement with little to no voice spoke it sparking a feeling of sorrow. Instantly I am intrigued by the director’s raw camera angles which allow you to feel the tension as Little tries to define his role in his mother’s life (Paula) who’s only priority seems to be smoking crack Cocaine and teasing her young son for being gay or as she calls him one time too many “faggot.” Continue reading “Moonlight.”

I’m an ACTOR

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Sometimes I wake up not knowing what or who I will have to be today. Instantly considering if it’s all worth it or not. I am so exhausted. Brushing my teeth I greet my partner with a dry good morning, as I cry inside. He smiles and moves on to rolling over to continue his rest. “Left leg in now the other” I say to myself in a sort of surly tone. My stomach is up too early to crave food, my mind attempts to collect itself while my eyes burn. As the night battles with the day I walk out the door wondering if today will be the last of this. Can I go on moving through the world not knowing when this scene will end? Without choice I leave walking at a slow but steady pace. This seems like a constant replay of something I’ve seen and done but I must be positive. The drive is very calming because it’s early so I let Prince do his job at attempting to relieve my anxiety as I am about to go on in minutes.

Scene: 1

Here I am because I am, arriving to a place that I only want to see me driving away from. The call time is too early, the people are fake friendly and the purpose is a pay check that I have to fight for daily. Is it enough for me to walk through the door questioning why I am here or should I just go? I walk in as I am greeted with “Good morning, how are you?” I respond in a way that is polite enough to not be rude but dry enough to sense the suffering. No hair, no make up just action as I turn on the computer, the phone rings. I answer only to be called to duty, again and again. This is what they call work but I call it Continue reading “I’m an ACTOR”

Without a Sound

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Captions courtesy of rapper Fabolous’ SnapChat

Sometimes I talk too much, even when I want to shut up I just can’t. There’s always a point to be proven, a person to be shown and an opportunity to be missed. This is called being distracted by the unnecessary. For instance, you ask someone to do you a favor within a particular time frame. Things are planned but then there’s a problem, you’re hit with the “I may be late or something came up I will have to get with you later.” In that moment you’re stuck on the fact that what you asked couldn’t be done in the timeframe you would’ve liked. You become upset and begin to harbor feelings toward the person. They reach out to you to attempt to still be there and do the favor you asked for earlier just not in enough time that you would’ve wanted. You refuse or maybe even ignore them. This is not right, everything that may be your urgency shouldn’t become someone else’s emergency. This is called being selfish and paying attention to the wrong things.

Life can sometimes hide the things you’re supposed to have within the people, places or things you ignore. We have to learn how to quiet down our egos so that we can see the light. I know that even in the best of times I may not always be willing to be a team player. Even when it comes to my relationship, being a team player means staying up late past my self-assigned bedtime based on the amount of sleep I feel that I require. Taking myself and what I want out of the equations of everyday life and feelings to show that I am willing to listen. Not making it a point to rush myself to bed because  my partner may be in his feelings and needs my undivided attention. The choice I make as to whether I see what he needs and listen accordingly will play a major role in what I may learn from sacrifice my lips for my ears. Pay attention to the signs, coming early and staying late will always offer you more than you’ve bargained for. Whether it’s dealing with that job you hate but need for a little while longer or staying quieter to see all the sides of an issue before offering a response. You never know what can come out of effective listening. Read that last sentence over and over again until it sets in you mind, body and soul.  Continue reading “Without a Sound”

Grateful For A Seat at the Table

Good Day Saints,

solange-album

Solange has been and will always be one of my inspirations when it comes to music, life and love. Despite never having heard the sounds of Solo Star I knew she was just that. It was 2008-ish I was junior in college trying to find my way through my own self-proclaimed weirdness it was then when I started to steal music from the internet (sorry not sorry?) I remember ripping a few unreleased Beyonce songs (Kick Em Out, New Shoes) and they were just different, the elements of writing along with the underlining of aggression. I knew it was more to the story and that more was Solange. I secretly wish I could’ve heard her sing the songs herself. I learned she had helped Bey write a few more joints and I was intrigued. Then there was T.O.N.Y. and I knew that I decided that she was the one for me. Her lyrics were raw and uninhibited especially on This Bird where she harmonized “I’m not out here hoeing so just the shut the fuuuck up.” I was so in love with her creative sound that was obviously all her own. I would end up purchasing Sol-Angel and The Hadley St. Dreams and forcing others to listen and do the same. I knew her message went beyond what was heard on the radio. Lyrical content that covered teenage pregnancy, drug experimentation and other trials and tribulations that young folk like myself had experienced, Solange gained a loyal fan. Years would pass and I would hang on to Hadley and how it captivated my soul. Just as I graduated and moved on with life so did she, Continue reading “Grateful For A Seat at the Table”

Love Won’t Let Me Wait

As I have a break today from my usual morning 5am mantra that consists of preparing for work (x2) I grab my phone. The efforts to catch up on the social media focus during the hours I slept. Drifting in and out of sleep I wipe my eyes to see the same tired memes begging for love and affection. I scroll down and I see so many people confused in what their version of love is. I see quotes that remind me of the confusion that was once plagued my life. Facebooker writes “I wish I could just find that person that is for me” Instagram woman reposts “I need a strong man to match how strong of a woman I am.” There seems to be a trend among many of the people that I follow and that is that they are seeking out love. Love from a person they have yet to meet but they so desperately want too. I remember being there and it troubling me a great deal. I used to want what I saw because I didn’t know enough about myself to understand what I needed for myself. So many nights I would lie in bed questioning why God hadn’t sent me someone to love me. Never asking why I didn’t love myself or care enough to get to know me better. Not knowing if I was good enough because I wanted something so bad but I couldn’t understand why. Continue reading “Love Won’t Let Me Wait”