Love seems to be the only excuse behind why most of us stay with the guy who can never seem to commit all the way. Or maybe it’s the girl who carries herself so independently to the point where she serial dates for material items needed to enhance her appearance and set a standard for the real ‘catch.’  Sometimes we overexpose ourselves in hopes of obtaining what we think we should have. You may be a woman who suffers from lack of self recognition so you use Instagram and other social media platforms to build yourself based on what you see. Causing you to feel tired from always having to have the best hair and clothes to impress people who may never occupy the same space as you in the real world. You might also be someone who’s so wrapped up in loving yourself so much that you use others as a doormat depreciating their self value and willingness for the sake of the next person. At this point you should be smiling and reflecting because you are either that person or know someone with similar character traits. Try the person who likes to overcompensate for the fact that they fall short in most areas so fluff (fluff = patchwork relationships with people are consistently emotionally unstable). Find yourself in love and you may end up sacrificing more than you bargained for. Sometimes we feel like our love should be kind and patient, no issues just pleasurable moments for us to post on Instagram. Remember that occasional argument leading to passionate love making that lasts for hours on end. That particular love that begins with a “you make me” and ends with “I need you.” Our mind begins playing tricks on us as we form expectations of love through movies, music and stories of told by our peers. The love we seek should be tailored to our liking leaving room for what is real and only space for what makes us happy. So what happens when we’ve paid more attention to what we want for ourselves instead of what we could actually do for someone else? What about the love we give?

womanNow I have to be honest, I’ve written a lot about relationships covering perspectives from Question My Sex, Love Won’t Let Me wait or I’m The Only Woman. Most times, it has been experiences I’ve lived as a man who has sex with men or the outlook of relationships according to other men and women. This time I want to focus on the woman. The reason being, a lot of relationships I’ve had has been with women; mothers, sisters, wives and friends. The closer and more in depth I became with wanting to know what makes a relationship whole for a female the more disappointed I became. I realized that most of the time the woman is already aware of the power she’s given to the man but fails to acknowledge that it has been relinquished. The responsibility is worn by the woman but in a way where she masks the man’s short comings in spite of her own unhappiness. Pacifying neglect, abuse and misuse in exchange has become normal amongst women and men who feel like they must create the perfect man instead of learning how to love beyond the imperfections. It starts with you and the role you play in your relationship. The only cause for concern is when your man does something that appears to not be normal such as lying or cheating.  Most times when he lies to you it’s because you don’t expect him not to. Somewhere along the road there was a test that you more than likely failed that warranted some sort of allowance of the lying or cheating. Understanding the role you’ve played in creating a specific pattern will allow you to cope with the idea that you may be the biggest part of the problem. Listen to your wants and ask yourself, “why is it that I have to ask of this of my partner?” “Has there been a standard set for what I require?” “How have I enabled this man/woman?”

Think about how many times you’ve caught your partner in a lie whether it was about something small or big. Details are what matter and the part that makes it a problem is that your partner withheld something from you. Whatever it is you talk about it, emotions rise as tensions collide, you reconcile and things resort back to being ‘normal’ but then he/she still continues to lie. There’s always a moment that comes afterwards where for a slit second you drift back to the incident and begin asking questions that cause you to feel like you forgave a little too quickly. You feel dumb and wonder why, but what watch out for your whys as they should be evenly distributed. Instead of “why is this guy still lying” it should be “why haven’t I made my partner feel like the truth is the only way.” Allow yourself to always remain present in the action even if you don’t feel like you are to blame you are still very much apart. Something has begun to lack whether it was with you or your partner something hasn’t been clarified as being unacceptable.

The love title has been twisted and turned in so many ways that most people fail to understand the value. Loving someone must cover not just what you want to love but what they need you to love. Dedication, respect and honesty are major keys to ensuring the love you’re giving or receiving is not tainted. Relationships are not perfect but intentions should be indicated directly. Stop waiting for your partner to require things for you as they do not bleed for you. They cannot think on your behalf no matter how well they know you because only you can measure how much love you are in need of. Ways of how to love you, what causes you to hurt and what will make you walk away are all factors of the power you have. Come into the world as a girl and move forward as the WOMAN.

Vashon Wade 2017

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