I’m sort of confused right now. I’m tired, just got off 12 hours and I should be sleep but there’s just a blah feeling going through me. (4 minute bathroom break) ok ummm yeah I’ve just had a very confused day and it’s like making me think about the way I think.
Trying to prioritize my life is something I struggle with because I never want to feel too uptight but my life requires decency and order. I know that I should be focused on my career and what I can do to culture myself. There’s always a need for financial advancement, I have extensively educated myself but there’s always room for more. Family life is but of the most importance and relationships that resemble as such. Lastly which shouldn’t be last is my health and preservation of my body. Feelings aren’t really considered in the things you should worry about category but I have them and they show. Having a stable companion to have for
now is going to always be wanted. Even people that are in relationships still want for this while being involved with someone. How much should I focus on it though? I feel like love has and can distracted me and most of the time in a bad way. Sometimes felt like I was being scolded for trying so hard to be with “someone” that “someone” when it would turn ugly. Being punished for trying to have that 24 hour friend and learning to cope with whatever circumstances came from lacking other areas. Crazy how people spend their time chasing dreams, money, knowledge, power, respect and love. Now I know I shouldn’t sacrifice time chasing things that have no time table but damn it’s hard trying to act like my heart doesn’t have a brain. This is something I’d probably never say to anyone but I don’t like it. I want to be able to have that proportioned pie like life where each slice represents each prime area of my life. Everything is in order and balanced with equal amounts of attention. But the reality is that’s not reality. Living everyday is an experience and there’s no preview if what’s to come or how it will come. I guess I just have to use my time wisely and really give attention to what is vital right now.
(but it’s okay because it’s easy to say but it will take time for me to do it)