How Do I Look?

Talking with my friend (who’s a poet) and we always discuss topics that would potentially be good for writing. You can imagine how deep our conversations go from gas prices to little black girls being raped. One day he brought up this female he liked very much but there was no physical attraction.

I’ve definitely been in situations where I dug someone very much but there was no physical attraction. This was something that used to happen to me quite a bit and I’d never understand why? When I was a kid I was heavier than most and I would always be hurt by the comments of others. Knowing that I did not meet the “attractive standard” made it hard for me to deal with myself. I carried around feelings of having to over compensate just to measure up to what attractive was in the eyes of others. As I got older I began to look at people from all sides and the physicality’s of what the person looked like began to play the background. It was easier for me to not judge based on how sexy the person was because I know how being under that microscope felt. Looking for the right person means putting some wants behind your needs. Once I dated someone where I told myself I’ll never let this get far because there’s no attraction. True the friendship was strong and the laughter was high. We did everything together, we shared so much to the point we were like kindred spirits. I remember waking up one day like wow “I’m in a great relationship and I’m happy!” So happy that the shallow demands that I made to myself had gone missing. Despite the fact that it ended up being over, there was much growth and happiness that steamed from me letting go.

Imagine walking around loving somebody that sees a brown paper bag when looking at you. Could you really let yourself feel comfortable knowing that you’re not what your lover wants physically? Would you be accepting of my mind, soul, spirit but not my body? How would you feel to have walked away from a strong connection because of physical features? I hate the idea of last chances or missed blessings so I got out of my own way. Knowing that measurements and standards are built to be amended for all the right reason.

You’re not attractive to somebody somewhere but you’re alright.

J.V.