Crazy how when you force yourself to be and think positive, you end up feeling shitty anyway. I told myself to do things the “right” way today with a smile and my day sucked. At least it did on the inside.
I usually question myself as well as you readers towards the end but I’m confused right now. Why does it hurt more to do right? I seem to always enjoy my days better when they are led by selfishness, greed and cynicism. Amazingly when I tell myself to focus on all things positive and make sure I’m using myself to do good, I end up feeling less than. It’s like a poor man working at McDonald’s for minimum wage and he see’s the local crack dealer driving a BMW with the latest clothes and jewelry. He’s going to feel as if he should be living his life badly in order to get ahead. Not to say that I don’t understand how important sacrifice is to your life but it’s hard when you don’t see what you’re sacrificing for. Most people (like myself) would rather have things instantaneously but hard word makes you appreciate all things gained in the right way. But what about my mind, heart and soul? If I am consistently sacrificing my feelings for the “good” and I see none done unto me, what is it for? Some may say do it for religious reasons and others say it builds character but what if I just chose not to give a fuck? (sorry mama)
Learning how to blend my patience with hard work and the pressures of everyday life is not an easy task whatsoever. Having to deal with people who may not view the sacrifices you make to be the best you can persuade you to just give up and become cold towards the likes of others. I don’t like to give the negative with considering the positive but one definitely outweighs the other in this case. I guess you’d have to consider what you’re sacrificing for and what good it’s going to do for you first. Regardless of whether or not you want to be positive, you obviously must be emotionally aware of you. Once you know to what capacity you can deal with whatever it is going on then you can make a decision on whether or not your day-to-day sanity or happiness is worth it.
It’ll pay off in the long run. (is the run really that long?)