I’m so tired of having casual sex. Sex only lasts for a little while and then I’m back left…
Anybody can fuck but not everybody should love? I used to think that if I would be sexually willing than love would manifest. I became ashamed of my actions when the results were me being all alone. If you’re someone who sleeps around its okay as long as you’re a man. Being a woman it’s cool to just as long as no one knows. Exposure offers judgments that nobody wants to deal with. I can’t help but think how easy it would be to cure my thirst for sex if I were exclusively involved. When you’re single you have to ride the wave of choices whether they’re good or bad, they are choices. Do I sleep with him even though he doesn’t agree with my expectancy level? I’m scared that if I sleep with him it’ll only be this one time and then what? My gosh I’ve had more guys in me within the last year than dates I’ve been on, why is that? If there’s no relationship there’s a void for emotional, spiritual and physical fulfillment. The physicality will always outweigh the others because we need to be touched in that way just as much as we need water to drink. But then there’s that exposure, the letting loose of your standards and morals for a piece. Once you get it you’re telling yourself you won’t do it again because you’re beginning to like the person all too much. What if someone finds out that I’m giving my physical away, will my emotions become less in value? These along with many other questions are asked when your spirit is lonely. You ever talk to somebody that is involved and they say: “girl just chill you’ll find somebody soon” or “it’s nothing wrong with being single, sometimes I wish I were single.” The subconscious fights with yourself along with the suggestions of others frustrate you when all you want is to be held consistently. I don’t want to have to figure a new person out all the time only to end up hurt the same way all over again. If I don’t guard my heart then it’ll be none left. Protecting my body is what I’m supposed to be doing but it needs.
Exposing your feelings can be detrimental but what about exposing your body? Will it lead to other hurt and confusion if you continually give yourself up? Should I give it up knowing that I may not get anything back? Being an adult is all good and well but where is the mind, body and soul handbook? Someone get Anita Baker on the line!
*pic credit* David LaChapelle 1992 “smoking hot”