I want shit to just happen now. I leave church expecting my life to change and when it doesn’t I’m upset. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m a brat when it comes to my wants. Why why why
I’m so tired of waiting for things to come without knowing exactly when or where in which they’ll come.
Circumstance is good when it’s in someone else’s life but mines is a whole different story. That sounds crazy when I read it aloud but it’s how I feel sometimes, most of the time. To be honest, I fear not having things in order the way I like, when I like. Life comes with much randomness and I could do without it. Some things I understand you won’t know but most things you should. Living better should come with some preparation of substance right? When I say living better I don’t mean just financially, I mean wisdom, lessons learned, getting sidetracked by incidentals, that sort of thing. I used to think patience was punishment for previous actions. I blame my family for not making me wait as a child. Even when my mother would say she wasn’t going to do something I asked her to do, she would. I began living with expectancy of the world. Children identify with repetition and as adults they expect the same thing. Fortunately it doesn’t work like that. When you know better you do better right? Why can’t I know better than to expect things to happen when I want them to? If I invest my time into working or praying hard enough shouldn’t it just happen? Even while I write this I want this question answered like right now! Haha, I guess some things don’t change even though they should. One thing is for sure you can kick, scream and shout for something but patience will always specialize in the best results.
I’m saying all of this to say that if you’re reading this chances are you’re waiting or wishing for something. When pushed, you often times get pulled into more than what you bargained for. Life will always give you the answers as time goes on and you’ll know. I know that I work hard, pray hard and I give my all to most of the areas in my life but I still have a timeline that I am on. The more I try to pretend to ignore patience and push for things the more disappointed ill be in what I get. Somebody was told no or to wait and how they chose to do so dictated the next move. It’s challenging to go through and have to live on God’s timeline but getting the opportunity to live feels too good to complain.
Don’t stop doing it the way you should but know that it’s going to happen when it should.
J.V. *hums Beat It*