Smart 4 Them Dumb 4 Me

I guess it’s only right for me to write. It’s been long enough but I would’ve probably held back longer…

There’s a time when I reflect on things that I’ve written about and ask myself why can’t I seem to follow the formula I’ve outlined for the world and implement it in my own life. I know all the answers to the struggles of the world but know nothing about helping myself. That’s so strange especially when I’m control, right? Maybe I struggle so much because I know nothing about myself? You ever find yourself talking to someone about yourself? I recently had that experience while having a conversation with someone who happens to be just as smart as me. While speaking him about why people fall short when it comes to loving themselves, he caught me. Beginning with the question that I’ve been asking myself forever and that’s “why can’t you tell yourself what you tell others?” Of course I had no choice but to digress. I remained quiet and shook my head in agreement without ever answering. I know the real reason why I can’t tell myself what and how certain things should be done in my life. Two words hold the explanation for my silence, fear and love. Love because I’m so hell-bent on giving love to everyone that I’ve yet to fully give it to myself. Fearcomes in as the triumphant storm here to hold me hostage from all my dreams. Dreams, whether they be beneficial to my mental or physical, they remain fears because I’m just to scared to see the real me.

When I started this blog I did it because I wanted a helpful escape for my thoughts. After realizing how engaging and helpful it is to others I found another way to ignore me and what I needed. Where’s your focus, Dear Fear and 10% Dis were words that were supposed translate into life but instead I ignored the real. Now I can sit here and take credit for Lara getting back with her man and Sean seeing where his life should be, but there again I’m left empty. It’s so easy to touch on and focus on what someone else should be doing but what about us? If you are someone who believes in the dreams of others you’ll forever be a shoulder for others to stand on. Sure coaches matter when it comes to outlining and pushing but it’s the players that actually play the game to win.

J.V. ❤