How would anyone know what or who I am if I don’t tell them????
Hmmmp. I remember when I thought I had to brag just to be noticed. Buy a friendship or give away all that I had just to show my integrity. Social ranking outweighed my grades and scholastic achievements. Living was trying to achieve what someone was else thought was cool or wearing the latest trend that I hadn’t started. My how things can be revealed and how thankful you are when you learn. Subconsciously I would always analyze my self thinking that others did too.
Not realizing my worth, I’d compare and contrast lifestyles to mine thinking the life I lived was never enough. Funny how you can believe you’re so confident but need to tell everyone you are all at the same time. I’d say from the time I was a teenager I struggled with identity crisis. We all go through it but the art of self acknowledgment is so important. Being mislead by the gossip of others I believed that material things was the only way to prove my existence. If I didn’t wear it they’d never notice me, if I didn’t spend it they’d laugh at me. But who exactly are ‘they?’ Why was I so consumed with the ideas or suggestions of others? Wasn’t it enough that I was me, I breathed and I am living? Damn where did it to wrong? Busy was me but focused was not, at least not on the right thing. So wrapped up in societies standards I wasted so much time enhance me. Couldn’t listen to what I knew about myself but loved to learn about all the things that were important to everyone else. Influences come from any and every way but what you do with it is up to you. Should I be talking about me and what I had? Demanding everyone to focus on me because I had it all? Why hadn’t I recognized that the loudest one was the weakest one?
I ran so many races that I’d never receive metals for. Competed with people who didn’t see themselves so they could never notice me. Was I not given the proper instructions as a young boy? No, maybe it was the fact that watching so much television impaired me from seeing what was real and what wasn’t. Thank God for growth or I’d still be awfully tired from trying to fit in everyone else’s shoe sizes instead of loving my 12s. I know we all can’t identify with what I’m saying because some of us still brag. Others have to buy, make-up and put down when it’s not that serious. Living is hard enough when you are YOU, why try to be anything else? Take it from me I lived for years learning, living and loving by false standards.
Consider yourself lucky to be YOU and leave it at that.