Kaleidoscope

Man look I’m 25 and I don’t see it. Everything I seek comes with a price and then when I finally get it I don’t even recognize what I needed or wanted it for. I don’t need glasses but yet I feel like I really can’t see…

So many times we have conversations with people hoping to get some substance with a side of validation. Often times we know the answers to the questions we ask I think we just may need a shoulder at that time. I don’t look at myself as a person who needs to talk about my issues with people and besides that’s what I have you all for (grins). Now I have to admit I can be over critical and sometimes to analytical to the point of blinding myself from seeing reality. Every time I see a cardigan or watch in a Nordstrom catalog I put myself in a state of debate. Should I pay $140 for this sweater that could only keep me warm and give me a fashionable look or pay a bill? Fuck it I’m going to give myself what I think I deserve. I should have all the things that my heart desires and besides I work hard so I’m entitled. So what I should be saving money for “the next step” enabling myself to climb my personal goal latter but I need this. Okay I’m going to go to the store and just buy it. I sacrificed, bought it and guess what it’s not what I thought it would be. The colors are nice but it doesn’t fit me like the mannequin. Ugh, I hate it but I kept it for so long I can’t return it and I’m just stuck knowing I won’t use it again. It’s crazy how I make the same mistakes wanting, wishing and working for things based on what I think they’ll do for me when I’m a self-made man. Why am I like this? Somebody should tell me to not make these brash decisions in fashion as well as in relationships. How many times have I thought a person was good for me and I sacrificed myself to have them? What did I see or thought I saw that I never really did see? I want to run the opposite way and just pretend that I didn’t lose. Damn can I not make this same mistake again, but I already did and again and again.

How many O magazines have you gotten advice from that you already knew but still didn’t follow? Why are you willing to sacrifice so much for others but won’t even take time out for you? Why am I plagued with a passion for love for everything and everyone but you? Something’s gotta give I’m basing my life off of mirages when I have the power to redirect my focus. Reflect on wasted time and think about what you did versus what you got. Some of us are smart and driven enough but must redirect our focus. You can’t miss things you never had and everything honestly isn’t for you. Just like you took the time out to read this you can take a little more time to change you. I’m trying to breathe change, think self-successfully and live in my moment.

Have less time to debate and dwell sourly on mistakes made but more time to celebrate you and all your breakthroughs.

They’re your eyes for a reason.

J.V. ❤