You never know why you go through what you go through but you do. I know me myself I get stressed out when my feelings are connected to pain. Determined to not show it I internalize it until my days feel like nights. I’m blind with moods and unsure as to whether I’m here or there. No matter how many times this happens to me it hurts all the same. Yeaaaah it looks different but feels the same and I hate it. I can go through so much shit all at once but if my heart is involved then I’m cold. Scrambling through ways of finding the answers to the questions. Thinking oh well let me call my friend and ask him even though I’ll hang up still worried. Maybe I should post a hypothetical something on twitter in hopes of a cure to my problem.
Damn why did I get so deeply involved when I knew I should’ve just stayed in my lane. I sacrificed my security blanket which is my insecurities and now look. Damn but I’ll do better with these sort of decisions next time, will I? How many times have we asked ourselves why is this happening like this? You go to GOD prayed up and churched out waiting for an action or cause to response. Now why you sit and reminisce listen to this. How many times has life shown you something that caused you hurt and pain. I’m sure quite a bit but you got through it. Even those nights where you cried silently you still made it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made the same mistake of worrying and anxiously taking myself through tumultuous emotions. Carrying on depending on Adele, marijuana, prayer, shopping and food (sadly) to get me through while joyously sulking.
Vashon Wade 