And Yet again.

Man oh man I swear this life is a roller coaster. I can’t keep my composure now I gotta let it out because it’s hurting too good. You ever get it until its gone then….
big wheels keep on…

You never know why you go through what you go through but you do. I know me myself I get stressed out when my feelings are connected to pain. Determined to not show it I internalize it until my days feel like nights. I’m blind with moods and unsure as to whether I’m here or there. No matter how many times this happens to me it hurts all the same. Yeaaaah it looks different but feels the same and I hate it. I can go through so much shit all at once but if my heart is involved then I’m cold. Scrambling through ways of finding the answers to the questions. Thinking oh well let me call my friend and ask him even though I’ll hang up still worried. Maybe I should post a hypothetical something on twitter in hopes of a cure to my problem.

Damn why did I get so deeply involved when I knew I should’ve just stayed in my lane. I sacrificed my security blanket which is my insecurities and now look. Damn but I’ll do better with these sort of decisions next time, will I? How many times have we asked ourselves why is this happening like this? You go to GOD prayed up and churched out waiting for an action or cause to response. Now why you sit and reminisce listen to this. How many times has life shown you something that caused you hurt and pain. I’m sure quite a bit but you got through it. Even those nights where you cried silently you still made it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made the same mistake of worrying and anxiously taking myself through tumultuous emotions. Carrying on depending on Adele, marijuana, prayer, shopping and food (sadly) to get me through while joyously sulking. 

Now you may be a bit thrown by me saying joyously sulking, yes it happens. We get so used to going to that routinely sad place of isolation that we sort of enjoy it. Well it’s not good and it wastes time. They said somewhere “know better do better” and that’s just it. If you’ve been broke before, you know it could happen again. So why stress if you’re alone now, you aren’t the only and you’ll make it.
Me, I’m trying to grow up out this pain with purpose: WYD?
J.V. ❤

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